If you've spoken to me for a duration longer than 5 minutes in the last 6 months, you would know that notions of masculinity or "being a man" has been something I am unable to stop contemplating. It must be the stage of where I am at in my biological and physiological development, where my body is accepting the fact that it is no longer a boy's body. But the question emerges for me: what really makes somebody a man? I can tell you for sure that it isn't how full my facial hair is now, or being addressed with the prefix Mister. What is harder tell you is what being a man really is. Being raised with minimal male influence, I've found now that I may have missed the boat on some key elements that every male should be exposed to. This is not to say that all guys with a male influence around are definite experiencers of manhood, but it certainly doesn't hurt their chances.
Only now am I able to take a step away from myself and try to look as objectively at my upbringing as possible. I can see that my biology had naturally gravitated towards things that would idealize what I now understand to be traits common of manhood. Things like my undying adoration and constant investigation of superheroes and comic book culture has greatly shaped my conception of what it means to be a man. Music, novels and movies have also helped forge the features of masculinity. I'd like to share with you however, what the greatest mentor I have ever had (or ever will have) has introduced me to. Elliott Hulse has exposed me to an ancient archetype of manhood that outlines the four elements of a complete man. These four elements are:
Lover
Warrior
Magician
King
As far as I can determine my judgments presently, these are the four elements that need to be developed about a male in order to make him a man. In a moment I will be going over very briefly what each element entails and how it forges a solidarity of manhood. But first, the following video gives a great introduction into what anybody's life, not just a man's, should ultimately attempt to embody. A hero's journey. One that looks to conquer the self and transcend limitations. In other words, this hero journey is the what and the King-Warrior-Magician-Lover archetype is the how.
Jason Silva's "A Hero's Journey"
Shots of Awe on YouTube
A hero's journey, although genderless and without discrimination, is pursued differently by man and woman. This is how the K-W-M-L fits. This is the man's how to the hero's journey. Each male has and needs to develop each of the following four parts of his self in order to become a complete man and this is definitely the way I envision attaining a form of manhood I will be content in living.
Lover
This is the part of a man that gives gratitude and repays the nourishment he has received from the earth and its fruitful, life-giving supplements. This is the poetic side of man. His emotional and most in-tune with the earth and his spirituality. This is where man develops the friendships and the partnerships with not only those nurturing people around him, but with himself. The lover creates your values, but does not necessarily deliver them. This is the part of the man that cries when he watches the last scene in Forrest Gump or becomes overwhelmed with the birth of his first child. The lover only tells truth because the lover is not capable of denying the earth what it is owed. And not only the earth in its planet form, but the earth in the people the lover loves. This is the part of a man that looks his partner through the eyes and into the soul and allows himself to release the most vulnerable words he could ever find the courage to muster - "I love you". And you must believe the lover when he says this thing. This part of the man is not attractive or endearing - this is the part of the man he exposes his soft side to someone he deems worthy of his love and affection. This is a man at his most vulnerable, and that's okay. A complete man must know his weaknesses in order to develop his strengths. And although the lover approaches what he loves with open arms, he does so with a sword strapped to his side.
Warrior
This is the part of a man that clenches his sword with a hand that is uncompromising and decisive. A warrior man is able to commit to a goal and stop at nothing to make sure that his mission is satisfied. This is where a man cuts the chains of his oppressors and slays the dragon to save the village. This can come in many forms - and rest assured, they're not all Medieval in nature. A warrior is a man who doesn't allow himself to get bullied at work or the part of a man that is able to find the courage to ask his boss for a raise. This is the part of a man that sees his challenge and attempts it regardless of how awful the situation seems. This man keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. But not in such a way that he becomes a spy or paranoid, but in a way that makes him know that he is in control and that enemies are just obstacles. The warrior kills but with purpose. In 2014, this can take the form of breaking off "friendships" that slow you down rather than help you out. Ultimately, a warrior is decisive and eager. He is proud of his being male and is incapable of being hurt or slain by any battle. This is the guy that gets insulted by people looking to destroy his journey but he ignores them. Even if they're your parents or your friends or your lovers. The warrior is sure of himself to the point of ignorance. He is confident in his ability but more so, he is confident in himself. This guy doesn't let the idea of getting drunk at a downtown bar the night before a final exam detract him from doing the thing he's supposed to. This is more or less the traditional and incomplete depiction of a man. But this is inaccurate and resembles perhaps the evolutionary-biological man. This is the part of the man that takes his sword and spreads a strong seed.
Magician
This is the most mysterious and most endearing part of a man. This is a man's utility. Is a man charismatic? Does he have a skill or trade? Do his words make sense? Can this man sell a snow cone to a polar bear? These are all domains that belong to the magician part of a man. The magician is seductive in that his tricks, illusions, skills and ability are both sexually attractive and real-world useful. Many dudes are born with strong inclinations towards being a magician, but this is a part that can be developed like any other of the four elements of a man. People with the natural ability find themselves in careers where their words can penetrate and seduce almost anyone. Think: politicians and entertainment business.The people you idolize most are magicians in their own right. If you have a musical artist, an actor, director, celebrity, painter, motivational speaker, teacher, professor, doctor, or any person you admire for something they do, then their magic has seduced you. Every man needs to develop the magic he casts on the earth. A man who does not develop worth in skills or ability (magic) is unable to contribute to society. He becomes a subordinate in some way or another to a man who was courageous and warrior-like enough to find the discipline to create utility. Essentially, the magician is a master of his craft. He has developed his skills in such a way that without him, the village suffers because production in some capacity is lost.
King
The ultimate responsibility of man. This is the strongest and most fertile part of a man. A king has one pursuit and that is the kingdom. What makes the king distinct from the others is that the other three are reflective of self-desire and self-development through the self whereas the king develops something bigger than he is by offering himself. The king does not have to be as glamorous as the title suggests - no nobility needed. Ultimately, a king lives for something bigger than himself. This is without question the most attractive, but not seductive, part of a man. Attractive because nothing drives a girl more wild than a man with purpose and confidence which are both necessary conditions for a man to achieve kingdom. But this is not a seductive part because a king does not focus on selfish pursuits - he is able to come out of his bodily desires in order to do what is necessary for the earth.This is the part of a man that takes responsibility for lives other than his own. A good father on some scale is a king in his own right. If he is able to vanquish thoughts of achievement in order to support the growth of another, this is the true strength in being king. Ultimately, the king can no longer gain in his own life. This stage of man sets in when all the accolades and accomplishments stop giving him a sense of doing well but rather serve as teaching points for new soon-to-be-kings. A king has created his destiny and now lives to see that the earth is bettered by it. In terms of the self, a king can only lose, but this is not a bad thing. It shows that the king has ownership. A man who starts a family and spends 80 hours a week at work so his children don't need to worry about having new books at school or a roof over their heads is a king. A man that is able to take the backseat when necessary and can allow his woman or partner to flourish as an individual rather than take away their right to sit in the throne is also a king. Whereas the lover, magician and warrior can only be one thing at a time in any situation, a king is all three at once and each decision he makes reflects one that is examined by each part of his being and approved unanimously. A man that is able to forge something greater, more important, more significant and overall, just bigger than he is has earned his right to sit atop a throne. A king's pleasures don't resemble the ones privy to the other 3 parts. A king's pleasure can only come in death, where his soul looks back at a life well lived and knows that he has done well. This is the most tragic but the most crucial to being a king. The only reminder he has that the path he has chosen is the right one to be walking is by looking upon the wonders he creates through other people, not himself. And the only way to confirm that his walk was well spent is to die and leave behind the only chance at living forever a man has because his wonders and creations live on long after he draws his final breath. Being a king is the only way to be immortalized.
So there you have it. I am not an expert in man-ology nor am I speaking for all men when I say these things. This is just how my experiences and exposures has led to my conception of manhood. I am not the man I want to be right now and certainly nowhere near the king I wish to be. It takes time and development. The important thing to consider is that everybody, male or female, has the ability to develop any part of their character that they so choose. This is how I choose to plan my developments. It's in the structure of the lover-warrior-magician-king that we can keep ourselves accountable to not just being a complete man, but a complete person. These are examples of the male experience in the world and these terms are pretty ambiguous. They serve as guidelines for parts of your personality that can be cultivated if you work at it long and hard enough. I'm sure before I know it I'm gonna change my mind completely on what it means to be a man, but this is what it is to me right now. Maybe super smart computers and really expensive microchips will be able to use science-fiction-magic-whatever to keep people living for thousands of years but until that time, this is the only way to make sure your life is eternal.
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Further reading/links:
The Hero's Journey: Joseph Campbell
King Warrior Magician Lover - Robert Moore
Jason Silva's Shots of Awe YouTube Channel
Elliott Hulse's YouTube Channel
Bonus Shots of Awe:
