The second worst thing you can do to yourself is be identified by one thing that isn't you.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is be identified by one person who isn't you.
I love movies. You love movies. Everyone loves movies.
It's almost impossible to track down someone uninterested by movies.
A great thing about movies is that there is so much diversity and volume. You can watch just about anything you can think about watching. Movies are powerful too. They shape the way people think, act, dream, and unfortunately fail expectations. And while it is often easy to suspend our disbelief when it comes to light-sabers or a planet overrun by apes, it's much harder to when the characters seem so real and the settings feel so optimal.
Many times I have fallen victim to falling in love with movie depictions of real life. At times, it was pretty bad in high school. It still happens sometimes, although, to a much lesser degree. Unfortunately, I see the same kind of missed expectations in a lot of people. I mean a LOT of people. The worst by-far is the way movies paint love and relationship dynamics. This is often the most hurtful. Especially to the person fantasizing.
There are literally thousands of movies that follow the same kind of formula:
1. Boy sees girl. 2. Girl unaware of boy's existence. 3. Boy develops crush. 4. Boy and girl interact, boy falls in love. 5. ?????? 6. Girl loves boy. 7. Life is perfect. There are no problems ever and true love exists between these two because they are soulmates.
A very sexy idea.
The formula works and people eat it up. And although many of us do realize it's just a movie, the more we see this kinda stuff the more you get conditioned into believe certain aspects of the fiction.
For one, we place the achievement of our own happiness based on the actions of others. In our above formula, the entire time leading up to the guy getting the girl he is completely miserable and has an impossible time finding joy in anything if she's not in the picture. I've been there. Hell, I'm there sometimes even still. And although we all have some strange biological desire to be with someone else, the addition of certain social pressures make this an unholy approach to life.
It's not even exclusive to romantic relationships. You don't have to be a hopeless romantic to place your happiness in the hands of others. I know people (myself included) who are absolutely miserable if they're not either: hanging out with someone, texting someone, checking their Facebook, scrolling their Twitter feed, etc. It's unhealthy. For some reason, spending 10 minutes alone with yourself has become an impossible task (I type this as I just put down my phone from checking my instagram feed).
As such, we're producing a culture that doesn't care about themselves individually. Not to be confused about what you look like - which is a function of: what will people think of me? How can people like me?
Perhaps I use the word happiness too flexibly, but it's the only word that comes to mind. Have you noticed that the word itself has become watered down? Are you ever really happy in your life? To me, the word means that overall, on a long enough time scale, you are not only pleased with what, who, and why you are, but to the point where nothing and no one can knock you off your throne. Frankly, we all live on too short of a time-scale to actually experience happiness.
Think about what you do in a day? You do and think about millions of things and the amount of time you put in doing one single thing is so negligible that you can almost barely say it's happened at all. Our attention spans have reduced to not being able to engage in something for more than 5 minutes. We're constantly giving ourselves breaks - FROM EVERYTHING.
Is this what it's come to?
I know I'm making generalizations and perhaps it doesn't really apply to you but I've seen it. I live it. I have been in a position where my entire days goes on hold until I get a text back from a certain special someone. I have been in a place where because I forgot to bring my phone, I felt alone and scared although I am completely surrounded by people. It's funny. Our generation is often critiqued as being too individualized. We can see it in the number of people with headphones on walking down the street. Or how many people we see with a cellphone in front of their face just browsing the internet all day - even in groups of friends. I would argue differently. It's not really an individualization. It's a detachment from the self. We can't stand to be alone. This is furthered by how sick to our stomachs we can make ourselves feel by over-thinking something. And guess what? The only time you over-think is when you're by yourself. Something we don't practice doing enough.
It's like with any new venture, activity, job, class, etc. The more time you spend doing it, the more comfortable you get. The less time you spend doing it, the more dreadful your experience is gonna be when you do decide to engage. Public speaking is like this. I don't care who you are, unless you actively practice speaking in public to some degree, you fucking hate it. It makes you sick to your stomach. The same kind of sick to your stomach you get when you don't practice thinking. When you don't practice being with yourself.
I leave you with a closing sentiment. I think adding people to your life is the best way to increase just how rich and deep your experience on earth is. The true beauty of life comes from the embracing of it as your own. Being able to control your own outcomes and play the game by your own set of rules is truly the most rewarding of lifestyles. Take a minute to think about where you place your ability to be happy:
If you've never seen Kubrick's 1968 masterpiece 2001: A Spacey Odyssey, I advise you to either accept the fact that I'm going to be referencing a spoiling element of it, or just go watch it first then come back. It's over 40 years old. It's okay, I only saw it for the first time a few days ago - no need to feel embarrassed.
The entire film is loosely centered around significant events that inspire evolution of our species. For example, the first scene of the movie depicts an ape-like creature picking up an animal bone and using it as a weapon - the first instance of a species using intelligence to overcome an obstacle. The very next scene is a panoramic view of space with satellites orbiting the earth. Crazy to think that we evolved from hitting things with blunt objects to fend off predators to being able to shoot giant metal instruments into uninhabitable parts of the galaxy and explore uncharted places of the universe. We must keep this shift in intelligence in mind.
The last sequence in the film follows an astronaut's final moments before transcending into the next stage in human evolution. He ages. He gets old. He dies. He is born again (see attached video at bottom for the scene in particular). But when he is born again and transcends to the next step of evolution, he does not have the same degree of physical change we associate with the evolution from our early ancestral ape relatives. He is still a human baby. No extra arms or enlarged brain or rock-hard skin. He's the same tender-bodied babe that all of us were born as. So what gives? What could it possibly mean to show a regular baby as the representation of the next step in human evolution?
The infamous baby is referred to as the "Star Child". He is the perfect representation of the next step of human evolution. The baby's body is weak. However, a baby is also a symbol of pure, idealistic intentions. The innocence and purity a human baby symbolizes is universal. It is soft and tender and entirely dependent on the beings around it to take care of it. So much so to the point where those responsible for taking care of the child remove their own goals and desires in order to accommodate the well-being of the baby. You might say to yourself that this seems like a regression. How is being more dependent on your environment a step-forward from where we are today?
A human baby surpasses the need for strong body composition. That's the meaning behind the symbol there. It itself does not need to care for its body because forces of nature do so already. This allows for the baby to cater to more important matters: learning. Learning is one thing that we are all hard-wired to do right from birth. We truly are born sponge-like. Many, if not all of us, lose this sponge-like ability to learn as we age because of the conditioning we receive from those in charge of tending to us. We are conditioned to gravitate towards certain kinds of learning or fields of study based on subjective environments. For example, instead of being taught the nature of feces, hygiene, and the practical but also theoretical reason behind where we poop, we are first taught that pooping must be done on the toilet. We are taught this the same way you teach a dog to poop outside. You force them to do it enough times and reward them for a job well-done. The dog gets the treat and the toddler gets affection. It is not until years later that we learn ourselves after questioning the ethics behind pooping on the toilet (while probably indeed in the middle of the act of pooping on the toilet) the reasons we designate a spot for fecal extermination. This is a crude example but it has serious implications.
For one, this introduces the top-down, authoritative, command relationship we develop with our "superiors". We are experienced to obey first and ask questions later. Worse yet, it's reassured as being done in "our best interest". This is a very troublesome dynamic and what I believe to be the underlying obstacle needed to be conquered to further our evolution.
It's unnatural. We are forced to suppress feelings, thoughts, and ideas at the will of our commanding body. Some of us conquer this early enough in our lives and continue to be outspoken leaders of being comfortable with who you are and what you feel. Many of us do not. We turn to different means of expression like music, film, sports, weightlifting, martial arts, books, or just art in general, as a means of "letting it all out". This "all out" I'm talking about is angst. We become so comfortable with being uncomfortable that we almost feel guilty when we're not suppressing some kind of angst. Think of how taboo it is to openly speak about sex in our society. People are almost forced to feel shame when they talk about one of the most natural and important part of being alive: sex. Sexual energy is so ignored and so suppressed by such a large number of people that I'm sure it lends itself to some kind of pattern of psychological, physiological, and biological disease. How could it not? Sex is just one example of the conditions and suppression we're exposed to. It's all part of a grander scheme of principles.
We're taught what to like. We're applauded for accepting traditional values like going to a fancy school, owning a sweet car, achieving a great body, and enjoying meaningless entertainment (MTV anyone?). It's counter intuitive. Often, the most intuitive part of these conditions is rejecting them. It feels really good to tell off your parents. They love you and you should never do it, but you do it because it's an outlet for all the angst you feel and don't know how to qualify. Siblings can be an especially prone area of angst release. Here's this person who has been exposed to the exact same set of conditions as you and more than likely has similar angst pent up inside them and the tiniest of disagreements can often be a door to a no-holds-barred verbal lashing of yelling and cursing and things you wish you didn't do or say. It's unhealthy but often the only way we can release our angst. The baby in our evolution example is free from angst. Why? Because it has not yet had a chance to be suppressed. A baby poops when it wants to poop. A baby cries when it wants to cry and sleeps when it wants to sleep. Of course, this is just analogous. It means that a baby is free to do what feels right without punishment. Should this not be how we all proceed?
Evolution is not just biological, it is also societal.
It's almost impossible to choose option C when you're only aware of (or given) options A and B. If option A is go to school, get a job, get a wife, support a family, get a mortgage, make a lot of money, retire at 65 and feel like you lived a life you were supposed to with pockets of genuine happiness but not the one you wanted to, and Option B is don't go to school, get a girl pregnant, work in a factory, make enough money to scrape by, get divorced, go on welfare but live a life where you escape reality by abusing drugs or playing video games and still experience pockets of genuine happiness, which sounds more appealing? Laid out like that, they almost seem identical. Very patterned and very expected. This is generally the assumptions we're told to believe about life. Unfortunately, I do not know alternatives to these (albeit extreme cases) life circumstances because I've never had the chance to dwell on the potential for an option C. That's where this baby analogy becomes relevant again.
The model of going to school, getting a job, etc., works very well for a society that is built on material wealth, financial stability, and institutional-based relationships. We live in a world where we can put a couple pieces of metal together, crunch a few numbers, and send a fleet of humans to the edge of the galaxy in a space-boat. A world where every piece of information ever discovered is literally at your fingertips in a small $50 a month piece of equipment that can also take pictures, communicate with anyone anywhere in the world, and store thousands upon thousands of files on. The point is, our intelligence and ability keeps increasing but our structures remain the same. We've become so good at everything and people are so able to expose themselves to a host of different interests and experiences that choosing one is almost cruel. It makes sense for when people dedicated themselves to an industry for not only practical reasons, but because it was one of the few exposures they had. A life vocation was once seen as passionate dedication to one discipline, whereas now it's a dispassionate sacrifice to choose one. Like babies, we are receptive beings. We are interested in many fields of study and discipline. I myself love science, art, fitness, film, teaching, and philosophy - and this is just a quick list of things absent a specific sub-list of other things I enjoy within those fields. Is it not cruel to tell myself to pick just one as a vocation? Just one of the things I enjoy to be used as a tool to gain money and financial stability so I can maintain a preconceived notion of what living a meaningful life is? Sure, it made sense to our parents' parents, or even our parents. But not for us. Not this generation. We have surpassed convention.
Our evolution, therefore, is no longer one of physical change or even mental change. I am not saying we are at the apex of the human physique or even the human brain capacity. I simply do not know about those apexes. What I do know is that our evolution can and should come from a societal progression. Evolution is all about survival through adaptations. We are at the stage in our species where we are not only the most dominant species on Earth, but perhaps also the weakest. We are unable to face the harsh realities and we are too stubborn to simply die. A strong animal will use every tool in its arsenal to dig itself out of a hole it finds itself in. And if its tools do not work, it dies. That is strength in finding the courage to exhaust all resources to survive and progress forward. We do not have this courage. We are not even regressing - we are not courageous enough to die. What we do now is merely exist. We accept the environment for what it is and use outdated techniques to live the same way our older generations did, even though we have new tools. A horse stuck in the mud will toss and turn and exert every shred of energy in its being to try and get free. As a humans, we are stuck in angst and do not bother to exert the energy needed to relieve ourselves. Indeed, we are comfortable with being stuck in the mud. We have become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
The Star Child gazing at the earth,
ready to embrace the wonders of the planet without inhibitions or angst.
Our societal progression means allowing people to grow up and feel things as it comes to them. Of course we should protect children and keep them safe from harm, but we should not condition them to fear their own emotions or energies. It's creating neurosis. A child, or any person for that matter, should never feel ashamed to talk about sex. A person should never feel like a disappointment for not wanting to go to school. A person should never feel successful just because they acquired a lot of money. It's all silly, archaic dynamics. What we should value in a day and age like this is our ability to be close to people, even when they are so far away. We have ways to express ourselves in a seemingly infinite amount of ways, but almost have to do so in secrecy. The Internet is the biggest proponent and antagonist of this problem. It gives people a way to express their deepest feelings and emotions to the world - a way to release their angst - but in secrecy. It's too anonymous. It becomes too far removed from who you are. At best, it becomes routine as a means of therapy, but that itself is only a baby step. It is essential to take this further and create a society where we are free to think, act, feel, express, love, hate, experience, all at our own discretion and comfortably. The ability to find communities within our society that allows for healthy conversation about dreams and goals and ambitions without fear of punishment.
We all need to return to our baby states. Relying on the environment around us to nurture our biological and physiological needs, so we can develop our psychological ones. Our evolution will come from an acceptance of not what we are are as society, but who we are. We need to hunger to better not only our individual selves, but the human species as a whole. We're not doing this right now. And we're not approaching this idea the right way either. Babies have it right. Shut down your inhibitions and poop when you wanna poop and eat when you need to eat. It is our duty to service ourselves and to enrich all those things that interest us and make us happy.
Right now, the only baby-like characteristic we embody is not being responsible for our actions. And sometimes pooping ourselves when we eat too much and regretfully trust a fart (metaphorically).
